Recently, I had a conversation with the founder and managing partner of a prominent law firm. We were planning a team intervention — an initiative to strengthen internal bonds and help the team connect more meaningfully with the founder’s vision and values.
One key issue emerged.
One of the firm’s partners — let’s call her Sophia — is known to be highly competent and exceptionally strategic. She plans and executes brilliantly. But when it comes to leading her team, her behaviour raises concern: she is often distant, cold, abrupt, and dismissive — especially when delegating or responding to requests for support.
She rarely engages with her team unless she’s assigning tasks — and always on a one-to-one basis. Unsurprisingly, this undermines camaraderie and psychological safety in the workplace — a non-negotiable value for the managing partner, who believes in high performance with high morale.
His question to me: Can coaching help her improve?
Here’s what I told him:
Coaching only works if there’s willingness.
If she believes her behaviour is fine, we’re not looking at a performance gap — but a values mismatch between her and the firm. No coaching will work unless she acknowledges there’s a problem and expresses a genuine desire to improve.
If she does — I can help.
Coaching isn’t abstract. It must be practical.
The process must focus on clear, workplace-based behaviours. While the priorities are always agreed with the coachee, the program will include regular (weekly or biweekly) tasks and check-ins. The coaching sessions will be a space of reflection, learning, and accountability.
In Sophia’s case, I suspect her distant behaviour is fear-driven. She may associate showing warmth with a loss of control — perhaps because of past experiences where familiarity led to a lack of respect.
The paradox? Now, she’s losing respect for the opposite reason: her coldness.
The dyadic trap: Tyrant or pushover?
Many managers unconsciously fall into binary thinking: “Either I’m fully in control (a 10)… or I’m a doormat (a 1).”
But leadership is not binary. Authority exists on a spectrum. If she’s operating at a 9 or 10 — in fear of being seen as weak — the aim is not to crash down to 1, but to gradually shift from 9 to 8… then 7.
Here’s how:
Practising active listening when team members raise issues
Hosting brief weekly team meetings to align on milestones
Following up on delegated tasks with curiosity, not criticism
Initiating small talk to humanise interactions
Organising a social outing to break the ice
I’ve also coached the opposite case: overly agreeable managers who struggle with assertiveness. There, the work was about building authority:
Learning to set boundaries and expectations
Structuring meetings more formally
Practising how to deliver critical feedback
Training to depersonalise resistance
In both cases, coaching works.
I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it.
What’s your experience with coaching, dear reader? Have you ever considered hiring a coach — or being coached?
Let’s talk.
Philippos